I am submerged in the land of farts, “whoever smelt it dealt it”, burps, peeing in the bushes, unflushed toilets, “jinx- you owe me a coke”, wiping mouths on t-shirts. burps, stinky feet, tipping cereal bowls up to drink the milk, Hot Wheels, superhero underwear, Pop Tarts, Cap’n Crunch, Spaghettios, Spiderman stickers, Legos, secret compartments, Chutes and Ladders, Mine Craft, Paw Patrol, Spider Man, noisy movies, “can I see your phone?’, endless messes and communal sleeping arrangements. In other words, I am deep in the world of Gigi Camp, deluxe addition.

This is the first time I’ve ever had Phoenix (age 4) at Gigi Camp, actually the first time I’ve ever had anyone but Wyatt by himself. It’s been… challenging to say the least. Phoenix got a gash on his leg and a lump on his head within the first hours of Gigi Camp on Monday. To add to the challenge, I thought I was hosting him from Sunday night to Wednesday night (pretty much my definition of the end of my rope). I was already racking my head for ideas of what to do to entertain him, other than turning on You Tube Kids or TV. Which is on right now so I can write.

“I’ll see you Wednesday” I said to my daughter as she handed them over to me. “No Friday,” she said, explaining she had work and a meeting Thursday night. I tried desperately to negotiate Thursday afternoon- after all Gigi Camp is one day per year- but my daughter said she’ll “see what she can do”, which doesn’t sound promising at all.

Wyatt is at sailing camp in Key Largo from 9 to 3, so I have Phoenix alone for those (very long) six hours. I haven’t quite decided if it’s better or worse having both of them together, but Wyatt said last night: “Five days is too long” with Phoenix at Gigi camp. Phoenix operates at full blast speed, leaps before looking and can also be a little clumsy. This combination makes watching him a full-time, high alert, nerve-wracking job. And he doesn’t nap.

I also forgot how much work small children are. The messes, the dishes, the laundry. Wyatt (age 9) eats like a lumberjack and almost blew through all of my snacks on Day One, so I need to make another trip to Publix. This is not an easy feat with Phoenix, who insists on steering the shopping cart and runs into people and displays, because he can’t see over the top of it. This does not deter him from carrying on and refusing to give the shopping cart up.

We have all been sleeping together and Phoenix, to put it mildly, is a lousy sleeper. He goes down alright (around 9) but then wakes up, tossing and turning in the middle of the night. I have nicknamed him “the human barnacle” because he attaches himself to me and won’t let go, no matter what I do. I play musical beds at night to escape, but he always finds me.

I caught sight of myself the other morning in the bathroom mirror and was horrified. My nightgown was askew, my face wrinkled and worn, my hair wild and wiry. I looked like a combination of Medusa, Hagrid and Nick Nolte in his mug shot, with a bit of Phyllis Diller thrown in. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me; I need every bit of energy I can muster to conduct this new (and not necessarily improved) version of Gigi Camp.

In an attempt to bring structure to Phoenix’s day, we do yoga (Zen Den) in the morning, after dropping Wyatt off at camp. Then he watches Spiderman on my computer in Spanish, because he really wants to learn Spanish and I figure this is an easy way to do it. We’ve also gone on field trips- the Dollar Store to fill up the Treasure Chest, Diver’s Direct, Robbies to feed the tarpon, Kelley’s house in Tavernier and the Reef Ocean Exploration Center (great for kids!). I also set up a little space for him to paint outside on the patio. So far he’s used acrylics and watercolors to create many lovely paintings. Today starts his crayon period.

We were going to go to Founders Park today, but the weather is looking iffy. I also wanted to go to the Wild Bird Sanctuary (free!), but the mosquitos are vicious right now, so probably not the best idea. We have swam every day- my not-so-secret plot to wear Phoenix out. It’s kind of worked, but he has yet to get anything out of the Treasure Chest for having good behavior all day. This is normally due to one of three offenses: taking my phone without permission, not listening and kicking (or otherwise injuring) his brother.

Dinners have been: Roast Chicken with mashed potatoes and green beans on Monday night and Taco Tuesday with refried beans Tuesday. The beans might have been a mistake, as I discovered in bed. Breakfasts are the junkiest of the junk and items that would horrify their very healthy mother- Pop Tarts and all kinds of sugary cereals. Snacks are fruit, fruit gummies, chips, Chocolate Jello Pudding, Cherry Jello (both sugar free) and yogurt. I’ve tried to incorporate etiquette lessons into dinner. This, I have to admit, has been a total failure. Besides bare chests and underwear at dinner, there are no napkins on the lap and farts have occurred. Bon appetit!

We went to the movies yesterday, since it was $5 movie day to see Elio– a Pixar movie about a little boy who wants to be abducted by aliens. (Beam me up Scotty!) They both got Whoppers and popcorn. As for me, I’m running on coffee, fear and fumes. Tonight we will go out for dinner, because I’m sick of cooking and cleaning. I’m begging Zeke to come here tomorrow night for reinforcements, but he doesn’t seem too enthusiastic. I can’t imagine why? I tried to lure him with C + C’s $10 pizza and pitchers of beer. I’ll pay!

I have to admit, there have been advantages to Gigi Camp. There are hugs around my waist, little kisses, cuddles in bed, sing-a-longs in the car, hearing “I love you Gigi”, back scratches (Phoenix) and getting to read Phoenix bedtime stories. Last night I read him Curious George. He wanted me to read it again. He loves Curious George.

“George sat on a little stool and the man said, ‘George, I am going to take you to a big Zoo in a big city. You will like it there. Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.’ George promised to be good. But it is easy for little monkeys to forget.” In no time at all, George gets into trouble. Just like someone I know.

“Am I a little monkey?” asked Phoenix.

Most of all, as a Gigi, I realize I will never have this time with these two- at this age- again. As a mother “in the weeds”, taking care of small children, the time seemed like an endless slog. As a grandmother, I realize that time is actually finite. So five days is really not that long, in the grand scheme of things. That is my mantra.

Yesterday, after the movie, we went swimming in the pool at the condo. I turned on The Beach Boys and as Surfer Girl came on and the two boys were swimming and laughing in the pool, I thought how happy I was and how I couldn’t wish for anything more.

It happened to be my ex-husband’s birthday and while I don’t usually feel positive thoughts towards him, I actually thanked him (in my mind) on his birthday. Because of him, I have A.J. and Christopher and through them, I have my four grandsons whom I love and adore. For that fact, I am eternally grateful. And for them, and the rest of my grandchildren, Gigi Camp continues.

Up Next: Chicken Lettuce Wraps