Zeke and I celebrated our twentieth year wedding anniversary on Wednesday. We each got each other cards (although Zeke complained about CVS’s selection), I got some Misha’s cupcakes and took out our toasting glasses for a toast with pink Prosecco before we went to dinner. As we read our cards and talked about our marriage. Zeke wrote inside that it had been a “wild ride”. I wrote that marrying him had been a good decision.

“Did you think we’d make it this far?” I asked him. He told me no, that he’d told me he didn’t think it was going to work, four weeks in. I completely forgot about that! Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg noted, sometimes it’s better to be a little deaf with your spouse, while married.

Emma and Guillermo came over for dinner Tuesday. I reheated some delicious Lemon Chicken Thighs (recipe to come) I’d made the night before to go along with Caesar Salad (made by Zeke) and Sausage and Onion Pizza, that got a little burnt on the bottom. It’s getting harder and harder for Emma to navigate and she said when she drops things these days, she’s not sure she will even be able to get up. She was wearing some strap under her belly that a co-worker recommended for back pain. In my day, they told us to wear girdles! It reminded me of something a horse would wear, but, if it works, more power to her.

She was talking about things Guillermo did that drive her crazy while she’s pregnant and I was talking about things her Dad does that drive me crazy in general. Like putting soap in the kitchen sponge (who does that?), leaving little crumbs on the counter when he cuts bread (evidence that he’s been there) and re-loading the dishwasher after I load it. Come to think of it, most of my complaints about him revolve around the kitchen. Oh! And looking over my shoulder when I cook (and offering unsolicited advice). I hate that!

But an anniversary is not a time to nit pick, so off we went to Tam Tam, a Vietnamese restaurant downtown, across from the courthouse, that I’d heard was great. It was a very funky- not fancy- place. Kind of a funny pick for our anniversary, but the food was great and I loved it! It was interesting and adventurous, kind of like our marriage. We talked about favorite trips we’ve taken and future trips we want to take and came home and ate our Misha’s Cupcakes and Vegan Guava Cheesecake, compliments of Tam Tam.

My low point in our marriage was when we had three teenage girls at home, while I was going through menopause. I feel if I could survive that, I could survive anything. But, when kids are at home, you’re in the thick of it and now it’s just us and this big, empty house. It’s so quiet! All the grandkids are out of town (until July) and we are trying to navigate this next chapter in our life as Empty Nesters. We’ve been looking at houses, but the more we look, the more depressing it gets.

And, while twenty years is a big deal, like age, it’s just a number. The question is really: “How is your marriage today? Do you still do things to show that you love each other? Are you happy with each other?” Yes, yes and yes. It’s time for the next chapter in our lives and I am ready for it. After being married twice (17 years for #1) I think I’ve learned a couple things that are important in marriage.

#1 Communication #2 Compromise #3 Respect #4 Appreciation #5 Being a little deaf

The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.”

Julia Child

Up Next: Lemon Chicken Recipe and Tam Tam review