Feeling like a fool. Well, not really, but feeling very confused and I am well aware of a huge clock ticking overhead.

We need to be out of our house by October, but of course we need to find a house before that, for inspections, closing, moving etc… We could (theoretically) store all our stuff (and we have a lot!) and rent or move to the Keys, but we really don’t want to move twice.

One of the houses we are deciding on is in a neighborhood we really like. We had seen a smaller house in the neighborhood last summer and wanted it, but needed to sell our house first. The good news is it got me on the fast track to get our house ready to sell. The bad news is it sold before we could get our act together. After it sold, it kind of took the wind out of my sails, and I lost my motivation for cleaning, purging, preparing. I did have a “Last Supper” for my family at my house at the end of the summer.

My grandmother was Italian and on Sundays, we would go over to her house to eat pasta meals and to swim. Once we got a pool, we didn’t visit as often, but my mother (who isn’t Italian) continued the tradition. My grandmother moved to a larger house in Coral Gables after my grandfather died and it was this house that I inherited when my Dad died. My grandmother saved EVERYTHING, so I had every photograph, every receipt, every birthday card, everything she saved. It had been stored in my attic, but on this day I put it all out for anyone to take. I was done being the archivist for the family.

But, I digress. We found a neighborhood we like and it happens to be where my cousin lives, so we asked him to tell us if a house went on the market there. There was one that was about to be on the market, so we went to visit. It’s a huge house, filled with marble, dark wood and sky-high windows. It has a large back yard with palm and mango trees, a pool and a nice seating area outside. It has a split plan (which we like), but only half a garage and it’s 5000 square feet. Our present house is 4000 square feet and my son Christopher pointed out “It’s not downsizing.” Which is true.

Zeke maintains we weren’t trying to downsize, so much as get a house with one level, after his broken ankle incident of 2024. Which was one of the reasons. The other reason was 3 roofs, 5 air conditioners and 100 palm trees. Or, as I’ve said “Something is always leaking, dripping or falling” at our house. This house (aka as the Big House) has one roof, three air conditioners and I don’t know how many palm trees, but it’s not 100. It also has a pickleball court, which I like and I can imagine scheduling games with friends and having drinks after in the beautiful back yard.

The problem with that house is the maintenance. I was looking forward to a no-fuss, no muss lifestyle. One where we shut the door and left for the keys or other travel arrangements. This house has huge windows, that aren’t impact glass and a huge yard. I’m sick of being a slave to my house.

I started looking diligently when we sold our house in April. Luckily, Zeke had put in our contract that we could stay for six months, so we have until October of this year, but obviously I wanted to start searching right away. I can tell you it was extremely depressing. The only affordable houses needed to be fixed up and the fixed up ones were outrageously expensive. I wouldn’t mind a project if our house in the Keys hadn’t flooded. We’re totally re-doing it with impact glass, new kitchen, new bathrooms and flooring and I couldn’t imagine two major projects right now.

I had some criteria while looking for a house. The same flooring in most rooms, a nice kitchen (preferably overlooking outside), a separate dining room (hard to find), a split plan, a master bedroom with a bath and a pool. So when I found a house in Gables by The Sea with all these things, I was thrilled beyond belief. I grew up in Gables by the Sea and my Mom still lives there. Everything in this house, from the surround sound, to the wallpaper, to the impact glass, had been done first class and I was thrilled beyond belief. Unfortunately, Zeke wasn’t with me, so I took him (and my Mom) to go see it.

I held my breath as he looked around, trying to read his body language for clues. It seemed so much was riding on this. Would he love this house as much as I did? The only complaint I had about the house was there is no back yard- it’s all pool- but there is a great little park nearby and the clincher was when the realtor told me it was a very quiet house. Both of the sellers work from home. As a writer, I value quiet and on my street every single house has undergone construction and it’s been noisy for YEARS.

Zeke liked the house, but not as much as me. We put an offer in on the house. They countered, we accepted it and now we have a contract on the house. In the meantime, the big house went on the market, for way more than we wanted to pay. We made an offer, she rejected it. We countered at our “best and final offer” and she countered.

I thought we were done with that house, we were scheduling inspections for the small house. The inspection turned up something with the pipes, so we extended our time for the second deposit to figure it out. Then, one night, Zeke told me he really liked the bigger house.

As we were trying to decide between the two Zeke said “If you had a gun to your head, which house would you pick.” I said I didn’t know, and he said “Bang, you’re dead.” Then he asked me which house I wanted to be removed from, feet first. “Why do all these scenarios involve me being dead? ” I asked.

So, where we are now is a contract on one house, with the second deposit due next week and an offer in on the big house. Zeke has said he would do whatever I want. The smaller house feels like a burden would be lifted, the big house feels like fun, but a lot of work. Ironically, we both want the other to be happy. I don’t want him miserable in the small house, he doesn’t want me disgruntled in the big house.

I said it was like O’Henry’s story The Gift of the Magi, where she cuts her beautiful hair to buy a gold chain for his precious gold pocket watch and he sells the watch to buy her a barrette for her hair. Well, it’s not exactly like that, but we both want the other to be happy, which is a good place to be, no matter which house we choose.

And, in the end, a house is brick and mortar; it’s the people inside it that make it special. I recently watched the documentary Life is Short, about actor and comedian Martin Short. He had bought a house in LA, based on two movies he was making and one fell through. He panicked and asked his wife: “What if we can’t sustain this?” and she said “Then we’ll move.” Which is a helpful way to think of things. My realtor has been calling this “Your forever home” and that puts too much pressure on the decision. I will think of it as our home for now and, if it doesn’t work, we can move.

As of today, we have contracts on both the houses. Stay tuned…

Up Next: D Day!